.

i feel so unintelligent and illegitimate

i just want to be smart and good at something 

and right now i feel like i really have nothing going for me.

 this isn't a cry to be reassured other wise. 

i just feel incredibly and intellectually small

like i have nothing that i could say that would be worth listening to.

that even if i DID have something to say i would not have the nerve [or guts] to say it. 

 that i am just not that smart.

at least not in the things that matter. 

what am i supposed to do with art? what good do paintings and doodles do?

nothing. they don't do anything. they will not get me anywhere 

I'm not good enough to sell anything and i cannot live off of my paintings or drawings.

 i just am so frustrated with my self and my lack of academic abilities