"heavy boots"

today, i have heavy boots.

i think it began when hearing the brief overview of the first four chapters of this book called 

"The Shack"

it is about a man, who goes on a vacation with his family.

and his youngest daughter gets abducted

this paragraph was read aloud:

"a member of the forensic team opened the door of the shack to let them in. generator powered light illuminated every part of the main room. shelving lined the walls and old table a few chairs and an old sofa that someone had hauled in with no little effort. Mack immediately say what he had come to identify and, turning crumpled into the arms of his two friends began to weep uncontrollably. On the by the fire place lay Missy's torn and blood-soaked dress."

i have such heavy boots about that passage that i fear i will sink to the earths core. it reminds me of the Green Mile

when those two little girls are killed and the big black guy is cradling them and sobbing because he cannot help them.

it reminds me of my dad. and how devastated he must have been after my sister died. and how devastated he still is. how nothing in the world could ever prepare you for your child's death. and me, not being a parent, could never fully understand the agony of your flesh and blood dying. and how on the 7 year anniversary my dad just acted normal, like it was any other day. which made me feel worse than if he would have showed any signs of mourning what so ever.

i also just watched an episode of House.

and we all know how graphic and revolutionarily bold those can be.

 a lady was delusional and killed her baby.

i guess this is a themed day.

like i said

extremely heavy boots(sigh)