she says it like one would talk to a five year old. she talks to me the same way she talks to the pets.
a perpetual scowl is painted across my face and since i was just about to get up anyways i tear away the covers and pry my eyes open.
as soon as i walk out of my room my mom says "shelbi, can you set the table?"
an alarm inside me went off
oh no.
family breakfast.
my mothers sad, sorry attempt to be a "Normal Family"
she gets this way once ever 4 or 5 months, usually accompanied by an unnatural optimism high.
she decides "we are gonna start acting like a normal family from now on."
[as if the habits of three people living under one roof can be changed by one woman's decision to suddenly become a normal family]
what is a normal family anyways? and why is she so set on being one?
why cant we just be the Bennett family?
[the problem with my mother is that she always thinks that the way that we are living is wrong in some way
and not accepting that it is just the way that we live.
she always thinks that the way she [or i} looks is wrong
and not accepting that it is just the way she [or i] is/am.
so she is never content with anything. never happy with anything. never OK with just being herself and just living in this family.]
but i do digress
whether it be breakfast lunch or dinner, family meals are always silent, awkward, and annoying.
much like the office. but not comical in any way.
we all sit down to eat and we all eat in silence. untill she says "shelbi put your leg down. sit right"
[since when is there a right way to sit?]
i suppose if i sit the wrong way i may disrupt this perfect picture she has created.
and we most certainly cant have that
silence
more silence.
she breaks it by explaining to us how she made the breakfast.
because its "normal" table talk
my dad gets up to go to the bathroom and she asks me
"shelbi, what are you greatful for today"?
"dear GOD are we really going to have this conversation every time we sit down to eat?"i scream at her in my head.
"my hands i suppose" i say flatly, looking out the window
"well Im grateful for my stomach healing" she says
then she proceeds to talk about how God is good.
and she is so at peace with being fired and her surgery
and how everyone is so impressed that she is healing so fast
and that work was really the thing making her sick
because it stressed her our so she would eat bad food
[NewsFLASH: she eats bad food regardless of her stress level]
and it all sounds like bullshit
because i can tell that she is saying it because she thinks it should be said
not because she means it.
then she finishes by tearing up about the marriage and i say things like "ya" and "i noticed that too" because it is also normal table talk and i know that its more important for her to think that this family is normal then to actually tell her that it isn't and that its ok.
and when she's done talking i get up and clear the table
then dad comes out of the bathroom and family breakfast is over
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