i realize that i should write more

to keep things and events and conversations from being altered by my constructive memory.

like a conversation i had with a certain male the other day. he had been expressing interest in me for most of the night and i knew this conversation was going to happen sooner or later.

he asks me how the "dating scene" is.  already knowing where he is going, i try to divert the answer. but he specifies by pointing out that he meant my  dating life.

so i answered his questions 

-yes i have a boyfriend

-we have been dating for nine months 

-i am quite happy

-i have known him for a long time 

-liked him for a long time.

then he starts telling me about his gal. 

he tells me that she is boring, and that he was more interested in the fact that she was the "classic so cal girl" equipped with blond hair and trendy style. he met her at church and doesnt know why he started dating her. blah blah blah. 

this all basically translates into "i have a girlfriend and you have a boyfriend, but i am willing to look past that and make out anyways." in my book.

earlier he had conveyed to me that to him they weren't dating. but to her they were.

classified it as a "weird thing"

he then proceded to walk in on me while i was changing costumes back stage. could have been an accident, but im not so sure.

i also realized how much i adore going to concerts. 

feeling loud music vibrate your insides. absorbing it in with every pore. eyes closed. and seeing the music. its really quite the out of body experience for me.

i feel like its been so long since i have had it.

i miss it 

i feel a little worn out and pensive and brooding, just coming to this realization about an hour ago.

i realized that i got this on a regular basis when going to a certain youth group. 

loud music.

good vocals and players.

and i started thinking, is this why i loved the worship? because i loved the music and not what it was about or because i loved God?

no, i love the loud music because i love God 

i feel closer to him when the music is so loud the soles of my shoes are vibrating.

God is who i love 

and music is what i love.

and it just makes flat out sense that they are intertwined.